Over Him
by insanegolfur
Summary: "I keep telling myself that I'm over him, but he still makes my heart skip a beat." Cargan AU-ish
1. It Can't Be

**Author's Note: **This story actually came about because, my friend Kathryn and I were disappointed at the lack of Cargan fics out there. Seriously, it feels like Carlos gets no love in fics. :( Anyway, I really wanted to remedy that but didn't have a plot until my former crush visited me at work and then I tweeted the summary. Thought about it and decided that it'd be a good starting point and here we are... I hope you all like this fic... I know I have a few still in the works, but this one has been gnawing at me for a bit. Hoping to get back to Double Date soon. Reviews are love! I'll definitely try to start responding this time around. 3

**Disclaimer:** I still hold no claim on anything in the Big Time Rush universe... and that makes me sad. :(

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><p><em>It's been two years since I told <em>him_ my feelings. Two years since _he_ told me _he_ didn't think of me the same way. Two years since I closed off my heart to anyone else. It's taken two years, but now I'm ready to move on. Well, that's what I thought, and then I saw _him_._

_**They hadn't seen each other in a month thanks to winter break. This was their senior year, so they each vowed to make it the best year ever!**_

_**"A life without risk is a life unlived," Kendall had said on the first day of classes. Carlos, Logan, and James had given him grief for a week, but each had silently accepted it as their motto. **_

_**Carlos, Kendall, and James took to the phrase like a duck to water, but Logan was still very apprehensive. Sure, he stepped outside the box every once in a while, but it was always well within reach. **_

_**When winter break rolled around, the four friends separated to spend the holidays with family all over the country. Halfway through break, Logan realized how much he truly missed his friends, especially one. It was at that moment he vowed to take the biggest risk upon their return to school.**_

Logan is taken out of his memories by the horn of the car behind him. The light had changed. He shrugs an apology that no one can really see, and makes his way into traffic. It is difficult for him to focus on the road, so he pulls into the next parking lot he sees. For a moment he just sits there staring out the passenger window where he could have sworn he saw the object of his affection from two years ago.

_It can't be _him_. Why would _he _be here of all places? Last I heard _he _was back in Minnesota staying with _his _parents because _he _lost _his _scholarship. Why would _he _be here in Florida? _

Logan is again shocked out of his thoughts, this time by a knock on his door. He lets out a silent expletive before opening the door and stepping out.

"Good God, Kendall, you scared me!" Then it dawns on him, why would Kendall be here? Then again, he doesn't know where _here_ is.

Looking around he realizes that he somehow made it back to his apartment complex. Now that he's got his bearings, he returns his attention to Kendall, confused.

"Wait. What are you doing here?"

Kendall lets out a sigh. "I'm here on vacation, remember."

Logan chuckles, "Oh. Yeah. Right?"

"So why were you gripping the steering wheel so tight?"

"Huh?" Logan looks at his hands and sees the color just starting to return. "Oh, just some crazy drivers. They really need to learn how to drive."

Logan hopes he's convincing enough. Fibbing to Kendall was never his strong point.

"Yeah, that's your story and you're sticking to it." Kendall sees right through the lie.

Kendall opens his mouth to offer an ear, but Logan stops him and shakes his head indicating that he doesn't want to talk about it. Kendall is disappointed, but understands and drops the subject.

"Well, while you were taking your final, I took a walk and got us some groceries," he says smiling, while gesturing to the bag in his hand.

"What? I have plenty of food!" Logan defends.

"Yeah, if you call Ramen Noodle and water food," Kendall retorts and begins heading toward the building.

Logan tries to find a response but fails. He quickly gathers his things from the car, locks it, and rushes to catch up with Kendall.

"Touché… So, what's for dinner?"

Dinner was delicious. Kendall made them frozen pizza. Logan argued that is wasn't any better than Ramen, but Kendall shrugged it off.

Dinner conversation ranged from Kendall's success in the minor leagues and potential draft into the NHL to Logan's road to medical school; both avoiding the elephant in the room.

It'd been exactly a year since they'd seen each other. Kendall made sure to visit Logan around this time every year since _it_ happened. Not that Kendall minded. He'd rather be spending the holidays in sunny Florida than back in the blizzard storm that is Minnesota.

They were on their last slices when Kendall's phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket, eyes widening at the name on the display.

He grins apologetically at Logan, "Sorry, but I gotta take this."

Logan nods, "No worries, I'll just finish this and clean up."

Kendall grabs the slice he was working on, silently thanks Logan, and steps outside before answering his phone.

Logan thought it was a little weird, but just assumed that it was his agent or someone important like that.

"Hey! What's up?" Kendall worriedly asks the person on the other line.

"Ummm… How's Logan?"

"He's fine. Hasn't mentioned anything about _**it**_ yet."

"Good, good…" the voice trails off.

"Sooo, was there something I need to know?" Kendall asks, a little too exasperated.

"Ummm… I really don't know how to say this…"

A voice in the background interrupts him. "Is that Kendall? Let me say, 'Hi.'"

The response is muffled, but Kendall can still make out the words.

"Not now… you'll get to say hi tomorrow."

"WHAT? TOMORROW? James, what the HELL is going on?"

Silence.

"JAMES! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT YOU AND CARLOS ARE HERE IN FLORIDA!"

Kendall hears glass shatter. He glances around and spots the source. Logan is standing in the doorway, all blood draining from his face, broken glass, soda, and ice cream all over the landing.

Ignoring James' "everything okay" questions, Kendall runs over to his friend.

"James, I'll call you back," he yells into the phone and ends the call.

Kendall cautiously steps around the glass to stand next to Logan. "Logan, are you ok?"

Logan's eyes are glazed over and he is as white as a sheet. "Carlos. Here? Not. Again." Logan says in a daze before he collapses into Kendall's arms.


	2. History

**Author's Note:** Thank you to all those who have given reviews. It really means a lot. I'm hoping to update this pretty often and not leave you with long chunks of time before updating. I ask that if you like my stories to please recommend them to others. Also I'm always looking for new fic to read, so if you see any that are similar to my writing style, feel free to recommend in a review or send me a PM. Until next time! 3

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><p><em><strong>Senior Year<strong>_

_**They are in the final stretch, the final semester. Logan knows that these next five months will be spent living life to the fullest, well, to the point where they don't get killed, or worse, expelled.**_

_**"Carpe Diem!" was the first thing Logan saw when he woke up that morning. He wrote it on his mirror last night, knowing he was possibly going to chicken out. **_

_**He chuckles, "Carpe Diem, it is!"**_

_He takes a few extra minutes to get ready, grabs his backpack and keys, takes a final look in the mirror, and heads out the door._

_**Logan could drive to school with his eyes closed. Nothing ever really happened and no one was ever on the road this early. He was never more thankful for this than he was today. Today it allowed him to think and prepare himself for what he was about to do.**_

_**He arrives at school in what seemed like record time. Just as he's putting his car into park, another is pulling in next to him. His breath catches. It's now or never. He takes a deep breath, gathers his things, and steps out of the car. He goes to sit on the trunk of his car, as he does every day, waiting for his friends to arrive. **_

_**The driver of the neighboring car steps out. "Hey, Logan!"**_

_**"Hey, Carlos! What are you doing here so early?"**_

_**"Early? What are you doing here so late?"**_

_**Logan squints, confused, and looks at his watch. He's here ten minutes later than usual. He's usually sitting on his car, engrossed in a book, by the time his friends start arriving.**_

_**Logan shrugs. "Guess I just got used to sleeping in over break," he lies.**_

_**"Makes sense," Carlos responds as he grabs a seat next to Logan. "So how was your break?"**_

_**"It was good. We went to see my grandparents in Maryland for Christmas. It was a mini family reunion. Missed you though."**_

_**"Yeah, we did the same. Except they all came here. Geez, was that a packed house." Carlos shudders at the thought. "I missed you guys too."**_

_Crap! He took the 'you' as plural. Stupid grammar. This is not gonna be good. Maybe I should just take this to my grave._

_**He sighs. "Carpe diem, right?"**_

_**"What was that?"**_

_Shit! I said that out loud. Now or never…_

_**"Ummm… Uhhh…" Logan searches for the words to cover up the slip up, "So… I saw that a new animated movie just came out."**_

_**Carlos excitedly responds, "I know! It looks amazing!" He then realizes that no one would go with him.**_

_**Logan pretends not to see the disappointment in Carlos' face.**_

_**He takes a deep breath. "It does look awesome. I was planning on seeing it tonight. Would you like to see it with me?"**_

_**"Really?" Carlos asks in disbelief. "Since when do you watch animated movies?"**_

_Damnit! I have to lie. _

_**"Uhhh… since the graphics look fantastic! The previews make everything so lifelike. I'm curious."**_

_I wonder if he bought it._

_**"Yeah, yeah, yeah… math, computers, whatever, but sure, I'll go with you. No point in asking Kendall and James right?"**_

_**Logan smiles.**_

_That's why I chose this movie, my dear Carlos. _

_**"Nah… you know they'll just find a reason to get out of it."**_

_**"A reason to get out of what?"**_

_**Carlos and Logan jump at the sound of another voice. They were so lost in conversation they didn't see James and Kendall pull into the other two adjacent parking spots.**_

_**"Uh… to see that new animated film tonight," Logan answers.**_

_**Kendall smirks and gives Logan a knowing look.**_

_**"Yep, I've definitely got something to do tonight," James responds with a knowing grin at Logan.**_

_**Logan is unnerved by the smiles he gets from Kendall and James, but shrugs it off. **_

_**"What about you, Kendall?" Carlos asks.**_

_**Logan rolls his eyes and lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding.**_

_**"Can't, mom's got me babysitting Katie while she's at work."**_

_**Logan is so very thankful that they have 'plans', whether true or not.**_

_**"So it looks like you and me tonight, Logie," Carlos says with a grin. **_

_**The first bell echoes through the halls, giving the students ten minutes to get to their first class.**_

_**"Well, we better get going. Don't want to ruin my perfect attendance," Logan jokes as he jumps off his car.**_

_**"Race you to homeroom," Carlos exclaims as he races past Logan.**_

_**"Hey! No fair!" Logan yells after him, picking up his pace.**_

_**James and Kendall watched the entire exchange in amusement. Logan's always been horrible at being subtle, but Carlos has always been oblivious to the obvious. They exchange a glance that says everything. They know and worry about how/if this will affect their friendship.**_

_**"A life without risk…" Kendall reminds James.**_

_**"I know," James shrugs.**_

_**They take a deep breath and head toward the school.**_


	3. Not Again

**Author's Note:** I'm kinda disappointed that no one found my Harry Potter movie reference in the last chapter. I had thought that putting it in was a brilliant idea, but I guess there was so much in the chapter that it got overlooked. *shrugs* Oh well.

This is a VERY short chapter, but I already have chapter 4 waiting in the wings so you won't have to wait too long, and chapter 5 is waiting to be beta'd... This fic has taken over my life, so you'll be getting updates almost every other day. I'll try not to keep you in suspense for too long.

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><p>Present Day<p>

"JAMES! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT YOU AND CARLOS ARE HERE IN FLORIDA!"

Kendall hears glass shatter. He glances around and spots the source. Logan is standing in the doorway, all blood draining from his face, broken glass, soda, and ice cream all over the landing.

Ignoring James' "everything okay" questions, Kendall runs over to his friend.

"James, I'll call you back," he yells into the phone and ends the call.

Kendall cautiously steps around the glass to stand next to Logan. "Logan, are you ok?"

Logan's eyes are glazed over and he is as white as a sheet. "Carlos. Here? Not. Again." Logan says in a daze before he collapses into Kendall's arms.

Kendall isn't prepared for the sudden dead weight and struggles to keep his balance. He gives in and slides down the door frame, supporting Logan and taking a seat on the only patch of concrete not covered in glass, soda, or ice cream.

It feels like minutes, but as soon as he takes a seat, Logan begins to stir. Kendall lets out a relieved sigh.

Logan's eyes flutter open and immediately lock on to Kendall's. His eyes are filled with fear, anticipation, hope, yearning, anger, and sadness.

"Logie?" Kendall cautiously begins.

"Kendall," Logan begins in a barely audible whisper, "did I really hear what I thought I heard?"

The pleading and anxious tone with which Logan asks breaks Kendall's heart.

He doesn't know how to answer the question because, well, James never gave him a straight up answer. He decides to put off answering just a little longer.

"Let's get you inside, first. Then we can talk."

Logan reluctantly nods and shakily forces his body to get up and make its way to the living room. Kendall follows closely, shutting the door behind him, and they both take a seat on the couch.

"Logan, are you okay? Your hands are shaking."

Logan looks at his hands and intertwines the fingers in hopes of calming them down.

"Answer my question first… and then I'll tell you."

_*sigh*_ "Yes. James gave me the indication that they are both here..."

Logan's face drains again of the color that had just begun to return.

"… but he didn't get the chance to give me a definite answer," Kendall adds immediately.

Logan stares off into the distance, silent.

"Logan…?"

"Do you remember when you asked me why I was gripping the steering wheel so tight?"

"Yeah…"

"I thought I saw _him_."

"Saw who?"

Logan breaks his gaze on the random dot on the wall and focuses his eyes on the carpet. "Carlos…" he painfully whispers.

Kendall is at a loss for words and does the only thing he can think of. He pulls his friend into an embrace and just holds him.

"Kendall, I keep telling myself that I'm over him. That I'm ready to move on, but that moment when I thought… no, _knew_… it was _him,_ I just lost it."

Tears begin to fill Kendall's eyes. He can feel Logan's pain.

The friendship between the four of them changed so much after that movie date. Logan had kept it together enough to finish out the year, but James and Kendall could see just how much being around Carlos hurt him. When he received the acceptance letter to Central Florida, he immediately sent back his commitment form. He explained his decision as the best place for him to start his journey to medical school.

Kendall pulls Logan into a tighter embrace. All resolve Logan had breaks down at this gesture, and he weeps into his friend's shoulder.


	4. Worse Than We Thought Part 1

**Author's Note:** Thank you all so much for your reviews. I'm so very thankful that you all are enjoying this story. This chapter was difficult to write because I knew where I would be going in the next chapter. Some questions are answered-ish... This story has seriously taken over my life, but I'm loving every minute of it. Again thank you.

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><p>Kendall didn't realize how much Logan had been suppressing these last two years. It seems like the tears will flow forever and he doesn't know what else he can do to comfort his friend. So he just holds him.<p>

Not soon enough, Logan's sobs begin to subside and pretty soon the brunette is asleep in Kendall's arms, emotionally spent. Kendall gives him a gentle but tight hug before releasing the embrace, standing up, and placing a pillow under Logan's head as he allows his friend to sleep.

Kendall looks down at Logan and wonders how someone, especially a good friend, could have caused all this. He is pulled from his thoughts by the ringing of a telephone.

Kendall smiles. _Leave it to Logan to STILL have a land line._

He lets the machine answer.

"Kendall? Logan? Someone answer!" James' panicking voice comes from the speaker.

Kendall rushes to pick up the receiver.

"James," Kendall says into the phone.

James doesn't hear him and keeps babbling asking for someone to pick up the phone.

"James… James… JAMES!"

That gets his attention but at the expense of Logan stirring. Kendal slips into the bedroom to prevent waking the brunette.

"Oh my God, Kendall! Is everything okay? I heard glass shattering, you saying you'll call back, and then… I've been trying to reach you for the past two hours."

"Two hours? Hold on…"

Kendall pulls out his phone. Apparently, rather than just hanging up, he also turned off his phone.

"Kendall!" came James' voice again, "Logan? What happened?"

Kendall explains how Logan overheard of the possibility of Carlos in Florida and also a glance over of Logan's breakdown.

"James, it's worse than we thought. Carlos really broke his heart."

"Do you know what happened _that_ night?"

"Vaguely. Logan told me more last year when I visited, but still not everything… Wait, _are_ you really in Florida?"

"Yeah…" James responds apologetically.

"Well, you've got some explaining to do, but that's not important right now. You need to find out from Carlos what really happened _that_ night."

"Bu… bu… but…"

"No buts, James. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of seeing Logan so… heartbroken. I want things back the way they were."

James sighs, "Yeah, me too…" He takes a deep breath. "Alright, I'll talk to Carlos."

James hangs up but remains on the park bench, not ready to confront Carlos.

Ever since _that_ day, they'd been hanging out as twosomes, typically him and Carlos and Logan and Kendall. On rare occasions it was reversed, him and Logan and Kendall and Carlos, but NEVER just Carlos and Logan, as it happened so very often the first three years of high school. Also, other than school, it was only on special occasions, mainly birthdays, that they would hang out as a foursome.

Neither he nor Kendall ever got a full story of movie night from Carlos or Logan. They had both shown up to school acting 'normal' but refused to acknowledge each other. James and Kendall knew something had gone wrong. Since Kendall and Logan are practically brothers, he went to try and find out what happened. That left James to talk to Carlos, which was all fine because they had very similar personalities. Unfortunately no matter how hard they tried, neither could get a complete explanation.

James sighs, gets up, and makes his way back to the hotel room.

He enters the room and is greeted by Carlos sprawled out on the bed, flipping uninterestedly through the channels.

"Hey! Where ya been?"

"I took a walk. Had to clear my head."

"Did you ever get a hold of Kendall? Are we going to see him tomorrow?"

"Uhh… ummm… about that…"

"What, is he busy or something?" Carlos says in a sarcastically hurtful tone.

James is a little ticked off at that. "As a matter of fact, yes! He's helping Logan work through some things."

At the mention of his former classmate's name, Carlos' face goes white. This does not go unnoticed by James.

"Yeah. Logan! You know, the one who goes to school here. The one who used to be a really good friend. The one who was always there for you. The one who even… maybe… I don't know… loved you!" James gasps. That was a little too far, but it was too late.

"You knew?" Carlos asks, surprised, while pushing himself to sit on the edge of the bed.

James stares at Carlos, mouth agape.

"WHAT?"

"You knew that Logan loved me?" Carlos responds as if in a trance.

"Yeah, he was pretty obvious about it since halfway through freshman year," James answers matter-of-factly.

Carlos turns his head to face James. His eyes are looking at him, but he isn't really seeing him. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't our place to tell."

"So you knew _that _night was a date, then?"

"Yeah… Dude, what happened?"

"I said something… something I regret… something I knew I could never take back…" Carlos replies, tears starting to fill his eyes.

James takes a seat on the bed and places his arm around Carlos' shoulders.

"Look, Kendall and I want things to go back to the way they were. We want you and Logan to talk again. We want to have our brothers back, but we feel so helpless because we don't know what happened between the two of you."

Carlos' breath catches. It's never lain out in front of him this way and he finally realizes the consequences of what happened _that _night.

James sees this and asks, "Is it even fixable?"

"You tell me…"


	5. What Regret Looks Like

**Author's Note: **I had planned on releasing this tomorrow, spreading out the chapters, but all your comments and the fact that I forgot that the last chapter ended in a cliffhanger made me want to update it today. So I hope this lived up to expectations and that I don't break your heart too much. *huggles*

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><p><em><strong>Logan knows that he is taking a big step tonight because well, he doesn't even know if Carlos is gay. In all honesty, how do you broach that question without sounding inconsiderate? He figured if Carlos isn't, then he can accept the fact that he tried, respect Carlos, and just continue to be friends. At least that's the worst case scenario. <strong>_

_**Carlos arrives right on time. Logan waves him over. **_

_**"Hey, Carlos!"**_

_**"What's up, Logan?" Carlos looks over at the ticket line. "Think we should get in line?"**_

_**"No need. I've already got ours." Logan says with a smile as he holds up a pair of printed tickets.**_

_**Carlos laughs. "That's my Logie. Always a step ahead of the game." Logan blushes. "So how much do I owe you?" Carlos asks as he reaches for his wallet. **_

_**"Nope! This one's on me."**_

_**"Bu… bu… but…"**_

_**"No 'buts'. I've missed hanging out with you." **_

_**"Oh, alright," Carlos concedes. "But I'm getting snacks!"**_

_**"No, you won't!"**_

_**"You'll have to beat me to the concession counter!" Carlos teases as he runs into the building. **_

_**"Carlos!" Logan yells after him, chuckling. "You don't have your ticket!"**_

_**The statement falls on deaf ears as the door quickly closes behind the Latino. Logan follows behind to see Carlos run past the ticket taker who is trying in vain to get him back. **_

_**Logan approaches the guy, hands him the tickets and points to Carlos. "He's with me."**_

_**"Good luck," says the worker. **_

_**Logan smiles and shakes his head. He joins Carlos at the counter. Thankfully for Carlos, the line wasn't so long that he was able to order and pay before Logan could swoop in and offer. Minutes later they are walking to their theatre with a large popcorn, a box of Skittles, and two sodas. **_

_**"Carlos, we really didn't need all of this."**_

_**"A movie is not a movie without popcorn."**_

_**"Good point," Logan agrees.**_

_**They walk into a nearly empty theatre. They take seats near the center of the theatre.**_

_**Once they are settled, Logan looks over at Carlos, "So we're watching that new documentary, right?" **_

_**Carlos squints at Logan, but sees a smile creep over the brunette's face. He gives him a slight shove.**_

_**Before Logan can retaliate the lights fade and the upcoming trailers begin to play. **_

_**When the opening credits come up, Logan looks over at Carlos and sees the face of extreme joy and innocence. It's that innocence that he fell for. He tries to focus on the movie, but enjoys watching Carlos' reactions so much more. Logan takes every chance he can to have just a little physical contact, reaching into the popcorn bucket at the same time or pretending he didn't see Carlos' arm on the shared arm rest. Each touch proves to him that this is something he needs to pursue. **_

_**As they leave the theatre, Carlos is yapping away at how cute and adorable the characters are and how he wishes the little alien creatures were real. Logan does his best to interject something into the conversation, but he didn't pay attention enough to submit anything interesting. Carlos is oblivious though and that just makes Logan smile wider.**_

_**Once they are in the night air, Logan stops Carlos. "I'm not letting you drive home this hyper. Let's take a walk."**_

_**"I'm not hyper…" Logan gives him the stare. "Ok, not more than usual." Carlos defends. **_

_**"Yes, you are, and I worry about all the other drivers on the road," Logan jokes.**_

_**"Fine, let's go," Carlos reluctantly agrees.**_

_**The night is perfect. There is not a cloud in the sky, allowing the stars to shine brightly. It is still cold, but nothing they can't handle. All the stores in the shopping center are closed and most of the other movie patrons left immediately so it's just Carlos and Logan.**_

_**Carlos continues to ramble on about how great the animation is and wonders how Kendall and James could dislike it so much. Logan just nods his head, thinking about how he's going to tell him. **_

_**Carlos notices Logan's silence. "Logan, are you okay? You've been pretty quiet."**_

_**"Just thinking."**_

_**"About what?"**_

_**Logan stops and Carlos follows.**_

_**Logan takes a deep breath, "About how much I really missed being around you over break."**_

_**Carlos smiles. "Yeah, I really missed you guys too… It was…" **_

_**Logan puts up his hand to stop Carlos, "No, I mean **_**YOU! **_**Of course I missed Kendall and James, but all throughout break I was always wondering where you were and what you were doing."**_

_**The wheels start turning for Carlos, but he's not completely sure. "What are you trying to say?"**_

_**Logan searches for the words. "I'm trying to say that… I want us to be more than friends. That being around you always puts a smile on my face no matter what. That anytime I need to step outside my comfort zone, you're the one I turn to because I feel safe with you." **_

_**Carlos stands there in shock. **__Logan likes me? _

_**"Carlos, please say something," Logan pleads.**_

_**"So you're saying you like me? Like… like-me, like-me?" **_

_**"Yes." Logan responds sheepishly. "… but I understand if you don't feel the same way. I just needed to te…"**_

_**"HOW COULD YOU EVER THINK THIS WOULD WORK OUT? I'm not gay! I never was and never will be! In fact I was never okay with you being gay!" Carlos and Logan both freeze at those words.**_

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><p>Present Day<p>

James stares at Carlos, angry and confused. "Wha… how… why?"

Through tears Carlos responds, "I. Don't. Know… I guess I was scared."

"Scared? Scared of what? He was your best friend and would have accepted anything else but THAT from you."

"I know," Carlos responds dejectedly, "I just wasn't ready."

"READY?" James feels like he's getting whiplash from all the twists and turns in this story. "Ready for what?"

Carlos hesitates. "Ready to come out…" he finally says barely above a whisper.

That's the last straw. James is up, pacing the room. He kneels in front of Carlos, forcing the Latino to meet his eyes.

"Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"

"I love Logan."


	6. Worse Than We Thought Part 2

**Author's Note:** Okay, sooo... I'm sorry this took so long to get posted. It was the last week I had at my job and they had me working everyday and then I had to go to school and for _some_ reason I never got around to posting this.

I would like to take this chance to thank everyone for the comments on the last chapter. As horrible as it sounds, that was exactly the reaction I was hoping for! I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well.

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><p>Kendall is awoken by the sound of his phone. Groggily he reaches for it and manages to hit the answer button.<p>

"Whoever this is better have a good reason for waking me up…" he growls sleepily into the phone.

"Oh, sorry, Kendall. I didn't realize what time it is." James apologizes, although the tone in which he's speaking scares Kendall.

Kendall sits up. "James, what's wrong?"

"You were right," he sighs. "It is worse than we thought. Carlos told me _everything_."

The way James stressed that last word said all that needed to be said.

"When's the earliest you can meet us?"

"Us?"

"Yeah... Carlos wants to talk to you."

"What about Logan?"

"Not yet. Not until he talks to you."

Silence.

"Kendall, trust me. It's better this way. He's not ready to face Logan. He's been hurting just as bad, only no one was there to help him through it like we were there for Logan."

Kendall sighs in agreement. "Ok, how about breakfast? I'd say now, but you sound like death and should get some sleep."

"I do not!" James tries to defend but fails when a yawn escapes at the last word.

Kendall chuckles.

"Fine. I'll call you when I wake up."

Kendall is again awoken, but this time it's by the sweet pleasant smell of food. He takes a deep breath and allows the delicious scent to guide him out of bed.

Logan sees the guest room door open and smiles when he sees Kendall drifting out of the room. He puts the last few pieces of bacon on a plate and takes the prepared plates to the kitchen table, nodding his head, inviting Kendall to sit an eat with him. Kendall happily obliges.

All through breakfast Logan keeps apologizing for burdening Kendall and ruining his vacation. After the eighth apology, Kendall explodes.

Slightly startled, Logan chuckles. "Sorry."

Kendall gives him the evil eye.

"Okay, okay, last one. I promise." Logan says, putting his hands up in surrender. "But in my defense, that was for something different."

Kendall shakes his head and a comfortable silence settles over them as they eat.

After a few minutes, Kendall begins, "So…" That one word causes Logan to tense up.

They both are avoiding talking about the elephant in the room. They mention it, but never actually discuss it. Looks like that time has come to an end.

"… I talked to James last night."

"Yeah… and?..." Logan asks his plate, refusing to make eye contact with Kendall.

"They're both here." Kendall glances at Logan to judge his reaction.

Logan just nods.

"Carlos told him everything."

"Everything?" Logan slowly makes eye contact with Kendall.

Kendall nods sympathetically.

"So you know?"

"Not any more than what you told me last year. I was supposed to meet them for breakfast, but James hasn't called yet."

"Them?" Logan asks with fear and hope.

_Oh shit!_

"Yeah, James said that Carlos wants to talk to me," Kendall explains apologetically.

Logan nods.

"Do you want to see Carlos?"

Logan is taken aback by the question and doesn't know how to answer that question. A part of him wants to say yes, even though he knows the glue that has kept his heart together all these years will fail if he sees him. The other part of him wants to say no for that very same reason.

In the end his mind overpowers his heart.

"No."

Food finished and forgotten, Kendall scoots his chair over to sit closer to Logan and places his arm around his shoulders.

"Logan, what happened that night? I'm tired of seeing you like this. I'm tired of us four not being us four anymore. Please tell me," Kendall pleads.

As if in a trance, Logan tells him. "Carlos doesn't like who I am."

Kendall is floored by this statement. _How could Logan ever think that?_

"Wha… What do you mean? How could you ever think that?"

Continuing to stare off into the distance, Logan responds, " 'Cause he told me."

Before Kendall could find words, his phone rings.

"James," he reads aloud.

"Go." Logan says.


	7. Stay Calm

**Author's Note:** Hello again, everyone! This is another semi-short chapter, so hopefully this tides you over until I post the next chapter. :) Thank you to all who have reviewed and favorited this story it really means a lot!

By the way, I'll also be posting another Cargan one-shot. The one-shot is fluffy so it was a nice break from all the angst in this story.

_Also, whoever can point out the show reference in this chapter, I'll write them a fic of a pairing of their choice. This contest (?) will go until I post the next chapter._

* * *

><p>After much deliberation, Logan finally convinces Kendall that he'll be fine alone and to go meet up with James and Carlos. Kendall isn't happy, but knows that he'll be fighting a losing battle and gives in.<p>

Kendall walks into the hotel lobby and immediately spots James at a secluded table by the window. As he approaches him, he realizes how emotionally spent James looks and is wondering if he looks the same.

"Geez, not only did you sound like death last night, but you look it too." Kendall says as he stands behind James.

James jumps about a foot off the chair. "Shit, Kendall! Don't. Do. That." He studies his friend. "Look who's talking," he retorts. "You look like death rolled over twice."

That answers Kendall's question. If they don't figure this out soon, Kendall and James will be walking around as zombies for the rest of their lives.

Kendall takes a seat across the table from James and takes a quick look around. "Where's Carlos?"

"You'll see him later. He wanted me to talk to you first."

_Uh-oh._

James knows that look. "Don't worry, it's nothing too bad. He just didn't feel like he could tell the story all over again."

Kendall lets out a breath and nods.

"How much do you know?"

"Well, Logan just told me this morning that Carlos said that he didn't like who Logan is. I don't… can't believe that."

James drops his head and focuses on the edge of the table. "You're going to have to."

James retells the story of date night. Kendall sits quietly, eyes widening in disbelief as the story progresses. By the end of James' re-telling, Kendall is furious and wants to beat some sense into Carlos.

Kendall goes off on a tirade. "How the HELL could he have said that? You better not let me see him anymore because it's not going to be pretty. They are so perfect together! How could Carlos be so stupid?"

"KENDALL!" James yells snapping Kendall out of his audible thoughts. "You haven't heard the most important part."

"Yeah," Kendall scoffs, "what's that?"

"Carlos loves him back."

"WHAT?" Kendall yells, standing quickly causing his chair to overturn. He is breathing heavily, chest rising and falling emphasizing every angry, incoherent thought being released in each breath. "Where. Is. He?"

"Room 210," James reveals, knowing there's no way he's going to be able to calm Kendall down.

Kendall makes a beeline for the elevators as James remains seated and finishes his coffee.

Carlos hears pounding on the door. He cautiously approaches it and takes a peek through the peep hole and sees Kendall, steaming.

"CARLOS! OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!"

"Not until you calm down!" Carlos yells through the door.

"CALM? I'LL SHOW YOU CALM!"

Just before Kendall can kick the door, the elevator chimes and James walks out. Kendall gives James the angry-where-have-you-been look. James just shrugs and pulls out the room key.

Carlos hears the door lock unlatch, knowing that James is there too, and runs into the bathroom, closing and locking the door just as the main room door swings open.

Kendall hears the latch to the bathroom door click and reaches for the knob anyway.

"CARLOS, WE NEED TO TALK!"

"Like I said. YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!"

"James, will you talk some sense into him?"

"Really? You really think that's gonna work? You two are the most stubborn people I've ever met."

"And that's why you love us!" Carlos yells through the door, trying to break the tension.

Unfortunately for him, that sends Kendall over the edge.

"Yeah, you know who else loves you… LOGAN!"

The bathroom door swings open and there stands Carlos, looking like a scolded puppy.

Seeing a guilty Carlos causes Kendall to hesitate, but he recovers and lets loose everything he was thinking. "He's never stopped loving you. I don't know why, after what you did to him, but he does. That boy has got the biggest heart in the world. Did you just think that when he moved away... when you moved away, everything would be better?"

Kendall feels a hand on his shoulder and stops.

"Kendall, this isn't the way to do this. Look at him." Kendall actually sees Carlos again, and this time he's curled up in a ball, leaning against the bathtub. "He doesn't need you yelling at him right now. What he needs is his friend back." James sighs. "I was angry with him at first, but... just talk to him. No yelling. No blaming. You'll see just how much we've played a part in this entire situation."

Kendall's eyes widen as the light bulb turns on. He slowly nods and makes his way to sit next to Carlos.

Without looking at him Kendall says, "I'm sorry, Carlos. I'm sorry for what I just said. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm… just sorry." He pulls his friend into his arms.

James takes this moment to sneak out and head over to Logan's. Carlos and Kendall need to talk and so do James and Logan.


	8. I Promise

**Author's Note: **I have some semi-bad news. This will be the last update until I can get the chapter I'm working on written. It's taking a bit because I'm taking my last final ever tomorrow and then I'll be heading back home, and well sometimes going home does not allow for writing, but I'll do my best. Again I apologize for this fairly short chapter and all these unplanned cliffhangers.

Also congrats to _Anonymous Freshman_ who found the show reference in the previous chapter. Those who are still unsure, the answer is in the reviews!

Huge thank you to you all who continuously review this story. You all motivate me to write and that's why I'm giving you a warning. I feel bad when I can't because I love this story and don't want to keep you all waiting.

Anyway, enough of that... onward to the story! Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>Knock!Knock!<em>

Logan wasn't expecting anyone other than Kendall, and he has a key. It'd been an interesting morning, what with Kendall springing that fantastic news on him, so why would an unexpected visitor surprise him. He sighs and goes to the door. He takes a peek through the peephole and is shocked by the person standing there. Logan hurriedly unlocks and opens the door.

"James!" he exclaims, pulling his friend into a hug, happy to see him after so long.

Then it dawns on him and he releases James, holding him at arms length. "Why aren't you with Kendall and Carlos?" His voice cracks when he says 'Carlos'.

The hesitation wasn't lost on James, but he chooses to ignore it. "Kendall and Carlos need to talk and I really wanted to see you. It's been a while."

Logan nods. They stand there in silence for a few moments.

"So, you gonna invite me in?" James jokes.

Logan smacks his head. "Where'd my manners go? Of course." He steps aside, allowing James to pass. "Make yourself at home."

Logan shuts the door as James takes a seat on the couch.

"Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? Tea? Water?"

"Coffee sounds good."

Logan pours both of them a cup of coffee. Over the past year, it's become habit to always have a fresh pot of coffee, due to all the all-nighters he had to pull. He hands a mug to James and takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch and faces him.

"So, how have you been?"

They spend the next hour or so catching up. While they haven't seen each other in over a year, they do chat every once in a while, but even then it's pretty short, just-wanna-say-hi-see-how-you're-doing type conversations. So it's nice to hear that James' music career is taking off, in Minnesota anyway, and that Logan's already thinking of moving back up north for medical school.

Once they finish filling each other in on the happenings of the past year the elephant comes barging in. The mood in the room quickly changes from happy to ominous.

James has the unfortunate task of being the one to bring up the situation because Logan definitely isn't going to do it.

James takes a deep breath and Logan tenses up, knowing exactly what's coming.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Tell you what?" Logan asks for clarification, even though he knows.

"What happened that night you and Carlos saw that movie?"

Logan changes his focus from James to the carpet, trying to figure out how to phrase his answer.

He takes a breath, "I was afraid. Afraid that you and Kendall felt the same way. I lost a friend that night, I couldn't stand to lose you guys too."

James' jaw drops to the ground. It's there. It's all out in the open, the pain and anguish, the total consequence of how one phrase can affect a person's entire life.

James opens his mouth to reassure Logan, but Logan continues. "Carlos was my best friend. The fact that he was able to keep how he truly felt hidden from me, hurt, but the realization of the possibility of you guys pretending to be accepting, killed me."

James again opens his mouth to say something, but Logan puts up his hand and stops him. "I know what you're going to say. If you really felt the same way as Carlos, you and Kendall wouldn't have been there for me last year during my episode and you wouldn't be here now trying to fix everything. I know that, but it still doesn't alleviate my fear of you guys suddenly getting fed up with all this drama and leaving me as well."

Silence falls over them as James awaits for Logan to continue. When he doesn't, James addresses him. "You think too much, you know that?"

Logan stares at him dumbfounded.

"Kendall and I love you because you're Logan. Our Logan. Everything you said is true. We're here because we care about you. We see your heart is breaking and it hurts us too. The fact that the cause of your heartbreak is because of a guy and not a girl is irrelevant."

Logan's eyes glisten as tears fill them.

James scoots over so that he's sitting right next to Logan and puts his arm around him. "Carlos misses you. A _lot_." James emphasizes the last two words hoping that Logan would understand without an explanation.

Logan looks at him… okay, more through him… "How could he? He hates me."

"Not true. He told me so himself," James says with a twinkle in his eye.

Logan stands up and faces James. "I highly doubt that. He has my phone number. He has my email. But nothing. Nothing for two years."

James tilts his head.

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't have answered, but he could have at least made an effort." Logan whines.

"Logan, you _REALLY_ need to talk to Carlos."

"I can't. I can't risk being hurt like that again."

James stands and places his hands on Logan's shoulders. "But you won't. I promise."

"How can you promise something like that?"

"Because I know."

Logan just scoffs. "James, just tell me already."

"It's not my place to tell."

Logan starts pacing, debating in his mind whether or not he is willing to take a chance with this new information. He stops in front of James.

"You promise?" he asks with a hint of hope in his voice.

James mischievously smiles and nods.


	9. No Turning Back

**Author's Note:** So the chapter I was working on took less time than I thought to finish. *celebrates* That means that you all get this chapter now!

Thank you all for the best wishes on my final. I think it went well and next Saturday, May 7th, I will be walking in a graduation ceremony that will signify my official transfer into adulthood. On that day I will be an unemployed college graduate. *eye roll* Such is life.

Also, thank you to each and every one of you who has left a review! You all keep me going. Anyway, enough of this... onto the chapter! I hope you like. 3

* * *

><p>Kendall hears the room door close and knows that James is going to go talk to Logan. The corner of his mouth twitches into a half smile, but that quickly fades when Carlos starts shaking in his arms. Carlos is crying and Kendall pulls him into a tighter embrace.<p>

The complete role reversal that has happened over the past day would have amused Kendall under any other circumstances. James took on Logan's normal role as the calm, level-headed one and Kendall took on Carlos' normal role as the one who can make everything okay with a hug and also as the one who acts before thinking.

Kendall wants this emotional rollercoaster to end, but its two years of stuff that need to be worked through, primarily between Carlos and Logan, but neither seem to want to talk to each other. Kendall isn't going to force the meeting, but is going to learn and do everything he possibly can to make it happen.

Carlos' sobs begin to subside and Kendall takes the opportunity to suggest they move from the bathroom out to the main room. Carlos agrees and they make their way to one of the beds, take seats toward the head of the bed and lean up against the back wall.

They sit in silence for a while, neither knowing how to start. Carlos is staring at the black television when he begins to speak.

"No. I'm sorry, Kendall. Everything that is happening is all my fault. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to blame me."

Kendall blinks way too many times than necessary, surprised that Carlos thinks that he blames him.

"Blame you?"

Still refusing to make eye contact, Carlos responds, "Yeah, isn't that why you and I never really hung out after high school?"

"Carlos, we didn't hang out after high school because you got a scholarship to play hockey over in Indiana. I didn't even know you moved back to Minnesota until two months after the fact and I found out from James…" Kendall pauses, unsure of how to ask the question he'd wanted to ask for so long. He decides that he's just going to ask. "How did you lose your scholarship?"

"I didn't have Logan."

Kendall leans forward enough to position himself in Carlos' line of vision, urging him to elaborate.

Carlos turns his head towards Kendall. "Come on, you know that Logan is the only one who got me to sit and focus long enough to study. Plus, with everything that happened the second half of senior year it was impossible not to think about Logan whenever I opened a book. So my grades fell and I lost my scholarship."

Kendall's eyes widen. "Carlos, why didn't you ever tell James or me how you felt?"

Carlos takes a deep breath and talks to the television again. "Like I told James, I wasn't ready to come out and if I did tell you guys, you'd put two and two together and figure out it was all my fault."

Kendall leans back against the wall. "Honestly, Carlos, I probably would have been angry at you immediately after…" Carlos winces. "… but I would have done everything in my power to help you two fix this. You and Logan are so perfect together."

Carlos' head snaps to look at Kendall. "Really? We're so different. It would never have worked."

Kendall chuckles. "You think too much. It's because you're different that you fit together like a puzzle. You balance each other out. If we had known better, James and I would have spilled the beans back in high school..."

Carlos hangs his head. He's ready for Kendall to add "… and none of this would be happening…" at the end of that sentence.

Kendall notices Carlos' change in demeanor. "That didn't come out the way I meant it."

Carlos pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around his knees, eyes focused on a random wrinkle in the sheet.

Kendall searches for words. "Carlos, you weren't ready and I understand that. I'm not blaming you for anything. I just wonder why you are still living this lie."

"Why bother coming out, when I know that I have already lost the one I truly love? I will never find anyone like Logan."

Kendall sighs. He puts his arms around Carlos' shoulders and Carlos rests his head on Kendall's shoulder.

"I wasn't lying to you. Logan still loves you, but I won't sugarcoat it for you. You really had an effect on him. Around this time last year, Logan had a panic attack because he saw someone who looked like you. James and I came to visit and we saw Logan torn between fear and hope. These are the same emotions that I see in him now, but it's stronger this time because it _is_ you he saw. Knowing that you're in the same area has forced him to relive that night and is forcing him to say no to talking to you."

Carlos tenses up, slowly nods his head in understanding.

Kendall shifts to make eye contact with Carlos. "Again, I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just telling you that it's your move. It always has been."

Carlos relaxes a bit and his eyes widen in understanding. "So what you're saying is that I need to reach out to Logan?"

"Exactly." Kendall responds with a twinkle in his eye.

"I don't think I can."

"You never know until you do. Can I help a bit with that? I'll call James, he's with Logan right now."

Carlos looks at Kendall questioningly and then looks about the room. He just now realizes that James is gone.

"Your first conversation doesn't have to be face to face or even alone. I'll be right here with you. Can you at least do that?"

Carlos hesitates, but eventually agrees.

Kendall smiles, pulls out his phone, and dials James' number.

"It's ringing," he tells Carlos.

Carlos smiles nervously, "No turning back now, I guess."


	10. The Letter

**Author's Note:** So writing at home isn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. I don't have the chapter after this written yet and normally I want to have at least a chapter in reserve, but I'm so proud of this chapter that I really wanted to share it with you all.

Also this is the longest chapter I've ever written and hopefully lives up to expectations! Thank you to each and everyone of you who have faved and reviewed! It means so much to me!

* * *

><p>James is able to convince Logan to go back to the hotel to finally have a heart to heart with Carlos. Sure Logan isn't ready to talk to Carlos, but he knows that he would probably never be ready.<p>

So, here they are, halfway down I-4 when James' phone rings. James reaches for the phone, but Logan snatches it out of the cup holder.

"Nope!" Logan shakes his head. "Eyes on the road."

"Yes, _mom_." James sarcastically responds as he returns his attention to the road. "Who is it anyway?"

Logan looks at the display. "It's Kendall." He hits the accept button. "Thank you for calling James Diamond's phone, he is busy at the moment, this is Logan, how may I help you?"

James playfully punches Logan and shakes his head.

There is silence on the other line. "Kendall?" Logan asks.

Again, no response.

"Kendall? Are you there?" Logan removes the phone from his ear to check the display to see if they are still connected.

"Hey, Kendall! I can't hear you, so I'm gonna hang up. Just call us back…"

Just as Logan was about to hit end, he hears yelling. "NO! LOGAN! Don't hang up! I'm here!"

Kendall grabs the phone from Carlos and takes it off speaker phone.

Logan returns the phone to his ear. "Kendall! What happened?"

Kendall is searching for an explanation to Carlos' inability to speak without telling Logan that it was actually Carlos he was talking to.

"Uhh… umm… sorry, I… uh… got distracted?" His voice rises a key at the last word.

"How did you get distracted? You called us." Logan logically explains.

"Well," Kendall huffs, "I wasn't exactly expecting you to answer the phone, as a secretary no less."

By this time Logan has put the call on speaker. James is trying really hard to focus on the road, but a slight giggle escapes his lips. Logan just shrugs.

"Yeah, ok, whatever… what's up?"

"I was just calling James to see where he ran off to, but I guess I know the answer now."

James chuckles. "Hey, Kendall! I just figured you needed some time to talk and I needed to see Logan."

"Yeah, I guess." Kendall responds hesitantly, unsure of how much James has told Logan. "So when are you coming back?"

"We're actually about 10 minutes out."

"Wait… 'we're'?… meaning you and Logan?"

Logan and James look at each other, confused.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Logan quips.

"Uhh… Well… I mean…" Logan hears a door unlatch and shut.

In a whisper, Kendall continues, "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"No." Logan responds matter-of-factly. "But, it's long overdue. James helped me see that. If I don't talk to him now, then I will never be at peace. I just need some closure, Kendall. You told me that you are tired of this entire situation, well so am I. I'm tired of making you and James take sides. This needs to be done." He lets out a breath.

James reaches over and squeezes Logan's shoulder. "Kendall, we'll be there in 5. Meet us in the lobby?"

"You're sure about this, Logan?"

"Again, not really... but 'A life without risk…", right?"

Kendall sighs. That phrase was what got them into this mess in the first place and a part of him regrets ever saying it. "Ok," he concedes, "I'll see you guys in a bit."

"See ya!" James and Logan answer.

Logan ends the call and replaces the phone in the cup holder. Silence, which can only be described as preparatory silence, falls over Logan and James. Neither knows what to expect, but each is preparing himself for every possible outcome. These last five minutes feel like the longest five minutes ever.

* * *

><p>Kendall walks back into the room only to find Carlos at the desk hastily scribbling on the hotel-provided stationery. He clears his throat to announce his presence, but it doesn't seem as if Carlos heard him. Kendall walks over to stand behind Carlos.<p>

"Hey, Carlos. James and Logan are on their way here." He cautiously states.

"Yeah, I heard." Carlos responds as if in a trance.

"Well… uh… I'm meeting them downstairs in a few. You coming?"

Carlos freezes, pen hovering just above the paper. He slowly turns to make eye contact with Kendall and shakes his head.

In a barely audible whisper Carlos explains, "Kendall, I can't. Not after everything you've told me. I can't face him and know that all the pain he's felt is because of me. _**I**_ won't be able to hold it together."

"Carlos, you need to talk to Logan and tell him everything."

"I know that, and I'm going to, but not face to face."

Kendall tilts his head in confusion. Carlos turns back to the paper, scribbles a few more sentences, folds it, places it into an envelope and hands it to Kendall.

"Just…" Carlos sighs, "...give this to Logan. It explains everything."

Kendall sighs, takes the envelope, and clasps Carlos' shoulder. "I wish you'd come with me."

"Yeah, me too."

* * *

><p>Kendall steps out of the elevator, scanning the lobby for James and Logan. He spots them at the same table he found James at earlier and makes his way over.<p>

"Hey, guys!" he greets them as he takes a seat.

"So did you and Carlos have a good chat?" James asks as Logan tenses up a bit.

Kendall nods.

Logan and James wait for him to elaborate, but when he doesn't Logan asks, "Speaking of Carlos… is he going to be joining us?"

James looks expectantly at Kendall, but rather than an expression of jubilation that this might be over, he sees an expression of uncertainty. Kendall pulls the envelope out of his pocket. Logan and James watch in impatient silence as Kendall twirls the envelope between his outstretched hands on the table. Again they wait for him to elaborate.

After a few grueling seconds of searching for a way to explain things, Kendall explains. "Yeah… about Carlos… he's not coming."

"Oh," is all Logan can say, but he lets out a breath that sounds like relief.

"So what is that?" James asks, pointing to the envelope in Kendall's hands.

"It's for Logan. It's everything Carlos wants to tell him, but feels he can't say in person."

Logan's eyes widen at the inclination that Carlos can't even come talk to him.

"Why can't he tell me in person?" Logan asks defensively. "Is he just going to break my heart again?"

James and Kendall exchange looks knowing that it's the complete opposite, but agreeing that neither of them can say anything.

"Logan, if what Carlos told Kendall he wrote in that letter is true, I can promise that you won't be hurt." James explains.

"Why can't you guys just tell me?"

"You're smart, Logan. You probably already have a slight idea, but if you hear it from us you probably won't believe it. You need to hear if from Carlos and right now the only way to do that is to read this letter." Kendall slides the letter across the table so that it is in front of Logan.

"Have you read it?"

Kendall shakes his head.

"So how do you know?"

"Would you just stop over-thinking things and read the letter?"

Logan is taken aback at Kendall's sudden outburst, but James diffuses the situation.

"How can you be sure about anything, Logan? Do you think it would be any different if you two were talking face-to-face? Carlos has something to tell you, and for some reason he felt the only way he could was to write it in a letter." Logan nods apprehensively. "Look, Kendall and I will leave you alone so you can decide if you want read it or not, but we'll be right over there," he points to the couches on the other side of the lobby, "if you need us."

Logan skeptically nods as James stands up and motions for Kendall to follow. Kendall hesitates for a second and then stands. He pats Logan's shoulder before he and James make their way to the other side of the lobby.

Logan stares at the letter for what seems like ages. He pushes it away, to only decide seconds later to pull it back, pick it up, try to open it, realize something, and start the cycle all over again. An outside observed would think him crazy for this repetition, but he doesn't care. This process makes sense to him.

After about the 20th cycle, he finally decides to open it. He's not even halfway through the first paragraph when tears begin to fill his eyes.

_My dearest Logan,_

_I'm sorry… I know it seems like a copout but I really am. I've wanted to say that to you from the minute those words escaped my lips. Seeing the shock and hurt in your eyes that night and now knowing how much hurt and pain I have caused you all these years makes me wish we never met and never became friends, but then I would have missed out on the best person I've ever met._

_This is something I should have told you that night, but I was scared and unsure, but I love you Logan. I've loved you from our first study session sophomore year. No one had ever had enough patience to help me understand anything in school. I never felt rushed, let alone stupid around you. _

_I've regretted what I said to you that night every single minute of the past two years. I wasn't as confident as you, Logan, and I didn't have as supportive a family as you do. I did have to tell them what happened and who I am after I lost my scholarship. I lost my scholarship because of you, Logan. I lost it because I didn't have you. I couldn't open up a textbook without thinking of you and seeing how much we drifted apart that last half of senior year and after. _

_None of this is your fault! Don't ever think that! It was all me. I'm the one to blame. All you did was express how you felt and even accepted the fact that I may not reciprocate the feeling, and I just went and attacked you. IT'S ALL MY FAULT!_

_I hope that you can finally forget me and move on. You deserve someone who isn't afraid, who will be there for you always. I know I've already lost my chance. All I ask is that you forgive me for what I've done and one day you and I can return to being friends._

_I wish you all the best, dear Logie. You deserve to have a happily ever after._

_Always yours,_

_Carlos_

The tears are flowing full force, falling and smearing the ink on the page. His heart is beating so fast finally knowing how Carlos feels about him. He tries to compose himself, but it's no use. He gets up walks over to James and Kendall. They see his puffy face, but also see a glow about him and know that Carlos really did tell him everything.

"Where can I find him?" Logan asks as calmly as possible.

Kendall and James respond in unison, "210."

Logan takes the stairs, not wanting to waste a single moment waiting for the elevator. He arrives at the room, takes a deep breath, and knocks on the door. He can hear footsteps coming closer.

"Kendall," he hears the voice on the other side of the door begins as the lock is disengaged, "I told you I ca…"

Carlos stops mid-sentence when he sees that it's not Kendall, but Logan standing in front of him. Carlos is a sight. From the moment Kendall left he hadn't stopped crying so his eyes were all red and puffy and he still hadn't gotten out of his pajamas.

Logan halfheartedly smiles, not knowing what to do. They stand there frozen, until Logan finally breaks the silence.

"Is all this true?" he asks hopefully while holding up the letter.

Carlos refuses to make eye contact and stares at the floor as he nods. "Yep… every word."

Before he knows what's going on, Logan pulls him into an embrace and tears begin to fall. Carlos breaks down as well and there they stand in the doorway, crying into each other's shoulders saying nothing and everything at the same time.


	11. Finally

**Author's Note:** Here it is the final chapter of this story. I hope it lives up to your expectations. Thank you all so much for your kind words and reviews. I am so proud of this story and you're comments have just added to it. I have enjoyed every minute of writing this and hope that I can write something in the future that is as enjoyed as this one.

So... without further ado...

* * *

><p>Carlos and Logan eventually pull away from each other, a calming silence falling over them.<p>

"Hi," Logan says with a deep sigh.

"Hi," Carlos responds with an equivalently deep sigh. "I've missed you."

"Yeah, me too."

Logan shoves his hands into his pockets and begins to rock back and forth on his heels. Carlos takes to looking at everything other than Logan.

"Sooo…" Logan begins, "…can we talk?"

"Ummm… isn't that what we're doing?" Carlos tries to deflect the topic. Logan's eyes narrow and Carlos concedes. "Ok, fine… can I get dressed first?"

Logan looks him up and down. "You look fine to me."

Carlos' cheeks are flushed and he stutters, "I… Uhhhh… Well… Ummm…"

Logan is a bit surprised at how easy it is for him to return to his flirting mode. "Wow," he replies uneasily, "that came out wrong."

They both chuckle nervously and silence descends on them again.

"So… uhh… I'll meet you in the courtyard downstairs?" Logan asks.

"Hmmm… oh… yeah… sure. I shouldn't be long." Carlos responds.

It takes them a few seconds, but without saying anything they simultaneously turn around. Logan heads down to the lobby and Carlos back into the room.

* * *

><p>Kendall and James sit on the couches excitedly discussing the highly likely possibility that things will return to normal. Well, as normal as things can be now that a couple exists in the group. They had thought about following Logan, but decided that they've done all they could and it is time for Carlos and Logan to work it out themselves, alone.<p>

"It'll feel so nice not having to worry about remembering not to say Carlos' name when talking to Logan. I remember almost slipping up quite… a… few… times." James' speech slows and his eyes widen as he sees Logan's reflection in the mirror stepping out of the elevator.

Kendall follow James' eyes, but sees nothing. He tilts his head and waits for James to explain.

"Kendall… I just saw Logan..." James explains and Kendall awaits the punch-line. "ALOOOONNEEE…"

Kendall's eyes widen. Just before he can say something he sees Logan appear around the corner. He pokes James' arm and nods his head in Logan's direction. They are fully expecting a dejected looking Logan, but what they see is the complete opposite. Logan's strutting through the lobby head held high with a cheesy grin on his face. Kendall and James exchange a look and then Kendall calls out.

"Hey, Logan!"

Logan turns his head, waves and makes his way towards them. He takes a seat on the couch across from them. James and Kendall wait for Logan to volunteer information but he just sits there with a cheesy yet reserved grin on his face.

"Soooo…" James begins, "… what happened?" He knowingly teases.

Logan sighs and relaxes into the couch. "Carlos loves me!" he says, grin widening.

James and Kendall's faces light up. "About time!" Kendall exclaims.

Logan shakes his head and smirks. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asks with feigned hurt.

"Exactly what it sounds like!" James retorts while laughing.

"Ok," Logan starts while rolling his eyes, "before you guys start asking questions, I'm gonna go." He stands and heads toward the courtyard.

Kendall and James are howling with laughter when Carlos steps around the corner a minute later. Carlos rolls his eyes and does his best to sneak by unnoticed. Yeah, well, he's never been that good at being sneaky.

"CARLOS!" Kendall manages to yell in between laughs.

Carlos freezes and slowly turns to face his friends. Kendall and James have managed to tone down their laughter and have plastered a cheesy smile on their faces.

"Hey, guys!" Carlos tries to hide how nervous he is. "Uhhh… have you seen, Logan?"

"Yep!" Kendall and James answer in unison while continuing to sit there, cheesily grinning up at Carlos.

"Well?…" Carlos asks impatiently.

Kendall and James giggle like schoolgirls and point in the direction of the courtyard.

Carlos rolls his eyes. "Thanks…" he sighs, "… I think."

As Carlos walks away, James yells, "Play nice you two!"

James and Kendall return to howling with laughter and Carlos turns to give them the evil eye, but fails when he sees how happy they are. He hopes that he and Logan can be just as happy again.

* * *

><p>Logan is sitting on the edge of the fountain listening to the peaceful sound of running water and re-reading the letter. He is startled from his thoughts when a hand rests on his shoulder.<p>

"I meant every word of that," Carlos solemnly states.

Logan looks up into those beautiful brown eyes. "I know…" He gestures for Carlos to take a seat next to him. "… but I just don't understand something. If you've felt this way all these years, why did you never call?"

Carlos is surprised by the question. He looks into Logan's eyes and tries to answer, but the truth is so humiliating for him that he changes his attention to the flowing water. "I saw the hurt I caused you when those horrible words left my mouth. I didn't even try to stop you when you ran back to your car. You had every right to be angry with me." He takes a deep breath, "I felt that you'd be better off forgetting about me. My not attempting to contact you was my way of helping you with that but it pained me each and every day I'd pick up the phone to try to call you."

Logan reaches over to turn Carlos' head so that they were looking into each other's eyes. "Do you realize that it only made it worse for me? I believed for the past two years that you truly hated me and regretted every moment you had spent with me. I've never stopped loving you. There hasn't been a single day that I didn't want to pick up the phone to call you and see what you've been up to, but the belief I had of how you felt about me stopped me every time."

Carlos breaks the eye contact and chuckles, "Wow, we're really bad at this communication thing."

Logan smirks and nods as he scoots a little closer to Carlos.

"I've never stopped loving you either, Logan, but you deserve so much more than me. I want you to find someone who makes you happy. Someone who isn't an idiot like me. Someone who will realize how good he has it because you love him. Someone who…"

Carlos' words are cut short by Logan's lips. He is startled but reciprocates the gentle gesture. Both of them have been waiting for this moment for so long. It was everything they wanted it to be and more. It is just a short kiss but it says everything Logan wants to say and halts Carlos' self-deprecating tirade.

They pull apart, eyes lock, and smiles appear on their faces.

"What was that for?" Carlos asks.

Logan shrugs, "It was the only way I could think of to get you to shut up..." Carlos gives him a gentle shove. "… and to show you that you were wrong about everything. You're the only one for me. The fact that we're here proves that."

"Well, we wouldn't be here if it weren't for Kendall and James."

"True…" Logan concedes, "… but James told me last year that he knew that one day you and I would work things out. He didn't know when or how, but I guess he saw how much I wanted us to work."

"Yeah, Kendall said something similar. He told me earlier that we are perfect for each other and if I could get past my guilt and talk to you, things would work out."

Logan smiles. "So, I'm ready to give this a shot. Are you?"

Carlos feigns hesitation before leaning into Logan. Logan acknowledges and leans in and presses their lips together. His hands reach up to hold Carlos' face while Carlos' hands wrap around Logan's waist, pulling them closer. The kiss is passionate and deep releasing the love that has been trapped for two years.

All too soon, though, the kiss is interrupted by a whistle. Carlos and Logan disappointedly pull apart and look toward the direction of the noise. There are Kendall and James leaning against the doorframe connecting the lobby to the courtyard, beaming. Carlos and Logan's eyes narrow.

"How long have you two been standing there?" Logan questions.

James shrugs and responds, "Long enough."

Kendall and James make their way to the two lovebirds, one on each side, and place their arms around their shoulders.

"Soooo…" Kendall starts, "… wanna go see a movie?"

"I hear Disney's released a new one. I think it's a sequel to this one movie that came out two years ago." James jokes.

Carlos and Logan exchange looks and smile. In unison they both playfully punch their respective friend in the stomach. "Jerks!" they quip.

Logan leans over and gives Carlos a little kiss on the cheek, knowing that a repeat of what happened that night will never ever happen.

Carlos' breath catches and a huge grin spreads across his face. "Finally!"


End file.
